so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
