It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
