Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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