You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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