she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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