textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
