he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
