it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
