This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
