Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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