Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
