I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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