He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
