ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
