Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
