I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
