but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
