My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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