its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
