im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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