Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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