Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
