I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
