Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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