Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
