he wants to bone in the snuggie
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
