Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
