she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am available for nakedness
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
