I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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