There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
