so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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