Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
