i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
