No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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