I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
