Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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