As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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