He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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