All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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