he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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