pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
