Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They have beer where we have blood.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
