he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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