your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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