Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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