it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's blow job season.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
