At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
