everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
