YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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