Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
