im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
