hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
